That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television landscape of the recent year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From awkward spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third season began, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last series. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly deliberate parade of cliches? Acting so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have known it from this three-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

MobLand

Shady characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are forced to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly breezy, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We love the star … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.